The Wolf of Wall Street Review


Clearly I have chosen the wrong career. Instead of dealing with stressful customers for chump change I could have become a stockbroker and earned millions by spending other people’s money. That’s the lesson I learned from watching Martin Scorsese’s 2013 hit The Wolf of Wall Street. Based on a book that chronicles Jordan Belfort’s infamous career, what we have here is a Scarface like rise and fall tale. Belfort, played by Leonardo DiCaprio, strikes it rich via unethical practices before squandering it all on hookers, booze and drugs. Perhaps things would have turned out differently had Belfort’s mentor not been a coked up loon whose strategy for success involves masturbating multiple times a day? What hogwash. If constantly spanking the monkey equals mega bucks then why am I always broke?


Jordan Belfort’s life on Wall Street didn’t start well, as his time at L.F. Rothschild came to a swift end on Black Monday. Not to be confused with Black Friday (that joyous date when you can murder shoppers for a discount television set or tacky Amiibo) the 1987 crash dubbed Black Monday saw global share prices plummet faster than Trump’s approval rating after a Middle East missile strike. Thankfully for Belfort the moneymaking schemes he acquired at Rothschild served him well when he decided to ply his trade in selling penny stocks to gullible clients. With his investments netting him a staggering fifty percent commission, Belfort amassed enough funds to found the Stratton Oakmont brokerage firm in partnership with his cousin loving neighbour Donnie Azoff (played by Jonah Hill.)

Most people would be satisfied with a mansion, family and healthy bank balance. Jordan Belfort wasn’t however and that greed is what ultimately led to his downfall. Stratton Oakmont’s complicity in money laundering didn’t escape the FBI’s attention and Jordan’s adulterous escapades eventually wrecked his marriage. In his defence though, I think most guys would divorce their missus to shag Margot Robbie. And shag her he does in scenes where we are treated to the sight of Harley Quinn full frontal nudity. You’d think I would hate this womanizer who bamboozles innocents, but thanks to a funny script and DiCaprio’s charm I couldn’t help but respect Belfort’s success. I do feel bad for the victims of his scams, but based on what this film shows many of them must share the blame for allowing themselves to be duped by glorified telemarketers.


I am awarding The Wolf of Wall Street a score of four stars. The movie is great, but it is something I would only recommend to mature audiences. I dread to think what kind of message this flick could impart on impressionable minds. Given the tame punishment Belfort received for his wrongdoings one could argue that conning people is worth the risk. A short prison sentence is a small price to pay for years of intemperance, were you indulge in prostitutes, fast cars, dwarf throwing and narcotics. One could leave this film with the impression that drug taking is not only harmless, but also a great way of enhancing your productivity. The adverse effects that illegal substances can have on your health are largely downplayed for laughs and if the film is to be believed overdosing on pills is no worse than chugging down a few Red Bulls.

Leonardo DiCaprio has come a long way from the Titanic days were Kate Winslet heartlessly allowed him to freeze in icy waters. Aided by a talented cast, he carries this movie and shows glimpses of the talent that years later would earn him an Oscar. Congrats Leo, the Academy finally acknowledged your greatness and all it took was eating raw meat plus a spot of bear buggery. Despite my low attention span I found that The Wolf of Wall Street’s three hours flew by. The opener detailing how Belfort amassed his wealth, the second act’s moments of debauchery and the finale were Stratton Oakmont’s board attempt to evade justice kept me glued to the screen. I could gush about this film all day, but will end the review now because typing this post has aggravated my sore wrist. It’s an injury I sustained from vigorous wanking… um I mean stockbroker training.

25 thoughts on “The Wolf of Wall Street Review

    • Geek of Gibraltar can be the article title when Forbes covers my life. Not that I can imagine why they would want to write about a sheltered guy who has never played midget bullseye.

  1. One of Leonardo’s best performances to date, he is such a whirlpool of charisma and self-destruction in this film. That is true that a lot of the elements were played up for more of a darkly comedic angle, much like the quaaludes sequence. It feels like in the beginning we were being scammed by Belfort and drawn into his life, the middle saw us enter into this darkly comedic and self-destructive lifestyle, and to some degree we saw the man become dangerous to all those around him. Good write up of a modern Scorsese classic.

    • Thanks. Based on this showing I should make the effort to watch more Scorsese movies. The quaaludes sequence was funny, although I probably wouldn’t think that if I was on the road when Belfort was driving in that state.

  2. I’ve never seen this movie. People tell me how great it is all the time, but I’m not a Leonardo DiCaprio and I can’t think of a single movie of his that I actually enjoyed :). I might watch this one day though.

    Great review as usual :).

    • The movie is good, although you’ll have to get over your Leo disdain because you’ll have to watch his face for three hours. At the very least the movie has more boobies than a sexy Skyrim mod.

    • The first time I saw DiCaprio and Brad Pitt I dismissed them both as mere pretty boys. Over the years they have proved me wrong with their acting. Just like me they possess good looks and talent πŸ˜‰

  3. I agree with your verdict – an enjoyable film that I certainly won’t be showing to my 13 year old neice. Haha πŸ˜›

  4. Nice review. I’ve avoided seeing this movie, since I come across enough Finance bros since I work in the same area. But I should check this out.

    And yeah, why couldn’t Kate Winslet have let him take turns floating above the icy water??? How selfish!

  5. Four of five stars. IΒ΄d rate it like you. The movie is excellent: a story of excesses, of being on top of the world and falling down, once and over again.
    However, the adult content was a little bit too much… a sort of grotesque and baroque exaggeration. I had mixed feelings many times during the film… But I guess it has to do with the overall message.
    Sending love & best wishes, dear Judge. πŸ˜€

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